Blog
February
Ivan Harden
Domestic Violence
Domestic violence is a real problem that has been becoming a larger and larger threat to American families. But what is it that pushes men and women into these types of situations? Personally I believe that a lot of these cases are made up lies for women to feel safer and more like a victim. I beleive women are actually being wronged by our extremely sexist view of domestic abuse. A woman can do almost anything to a man and, because of their physical weakness and peoples sexist views, they can get away with it. All the while a guy has to tip-toe around and be sure to not even raise his voice. I have experienced this whole thing, my mother lied about it, attempting to get a restraining order when everything she said was completely untrue. Most people don’t realize this, but if a women files a restraining order and the man doesn’t know about it and doesn’t show up, she automatically wins. This is so wrong and completely sexist.
I think that most people don’t understand that, according to more than 200-survey based studies, men are just as likely to be abused by their partner as women are. This may come as a surprise to most, but if you really think about it, it shouldn’t. The domestic abuse of men is ignored because a man who is “weak enough” to get beat up by his wife is strongly looked down upon, as we saw with Tiger Woods and various other people. Considering how badly men are seen when they are abused by their wives, think of the real statistics of how many women abuse their husbands! Think of how many men don’t report abuse from their wife because they don’t wish to appear weak. All the while men certainly can’t defend themselves because in our sexist view of this issue anything they would do in protection of themselves would be considered assault. So in my eyes, since the registered statistics are about even, then it is clear to me that there must be far more domestic abuse cases against men because of their inhibitions about reporting it, which is their own fault.
Until our society stops trying so hard to avoid sexism and over compensating because of it, these types of problems will never be fixed. We need new ideals and views on the sexes, whether that means not paying attention to them or emphasizing them, I’m not sure, but things need to change.
Hi Ivan,
ReplyDeleteThis is a tough one for me to respond to because your feelings about this issue are so connected (naturally!) to your personal experiences, (which by the way, I am honored that you would share with me,) and I don't want to devalue or trivialize that. But I hope that you'll at least consider what I have to say.
To begin with, although it is very human to judge the experiences of others based on our own experiences, that is something that I wish, if you take anything out of this unit at all, you wouldn't do. I have personal experience with a girl I knew in college who was a victim of violence. I saw the bruises on her body and around her neck, I took her to the hospital with broken bones, I hid her when she was afraid for her life- I also grew very angry with her when she refused to send the man "she loved" to jail for it. What would your reaction be if I told you that your experience must be a lie because it does not fit with my experience? What if I assumed every male was someone who was violent towards women because of my own personal experience? That is essentially what you are doing when you make a broad judgment like "I believe that a lot of these cases are made up lies for women to feel safer and more like a victim."
Men do not go to prison for domestic violence without extensive proof of that violence. The statistics proving domestic violence are not "survey-based"- they are proven through investigation of the crime. Some of these investigation-based statistics are:
Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten; around the world, at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime; domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women—more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.
There are women who have taken advantage of these facts and lied and manipulated the system to their advantage, and that is absolutely disgusting, and I completely agree with you that our court system needs to be more vigilant about this- because there are innocent men who have lost privileges with their children because of these lies. But it isn't fair, logical, or productive to make broad judgments about all human beings (or even just women) because of the actions of some.
(CONTINUED IN NEXT COMMENT)
RESPONSE CONTINUED....
ReplyDeleteIt confuses me slightly that you guys have spent most of this unit asserting that men are physically superior, and always will be, and there's just no disputing that-- and yet you seem to shrug off men using that physical strength against- by your own declaration- the weaker sex. There is a difference between fighting and bullying. When two people are both aggressors, it is fighting, when a physically dominant person beats-up on a weaker person it is bullying and abusive.
You make an extremely valid argument when you point out that men are also victims of domestic violence, and that it is a problem society needs to fix. Absolutely valid. I do, although, have a problem with how you address the issue. To argue that domestic violence against men is a major societal problem by de-emphasizing the problem of domestic violence against women is a non sequitur... making the assertion that women are not actually abused does absolutely nothing to prove the point that men are abused. You start your blog with an argument that, despite physical evidence, women who report domestic abuse are mostly liars, and then use as absolute fact survey-based results to prove that men are victims of domestic abuse. Let's use Nelson's example of Chris Brown and Rihanna to illustrate. Let's say for argument’s sake that they were both equally violent towards each other. If that is the case, then the problem is not that Chris Brown was punished too harshly. There was physical evidence of his abuse, he was convicted, he deserved every single consequence he received for his actions. Rather, the problem would be that Rihanna was not also punished as harshly as Chris Brown. If they were both violent, they should both be punished. Rather than making the argument that the “poor guy's career was ruined just because he beat up on Rihanna," we should be making the argument that she was also violent so should have received the same consequences as he.
It is also contradictory to say that society needs to stop trying to avoid sexism, when sexism is the reason that men do not report being victims of domestic violence. You believe "things need to change" and "we need new ideals and views on the sexes," but how will either of these things ever happen if we "stop trying so hard to avoid sexism"?
Fixing this problem must happen through punishing violence- ANY type of violence, and by judging every individual as an individual- without the pre-conceived notions of "she's a woman, she must be a liar" or the "he's a man, he must be violent".
In conclusion, I am sorry this response is so long... and you still didn't make a literary connection! :-)